Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
