What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Semen is not good for contacts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
