there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
