Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
