About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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