Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize