Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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