home. puking in laundry basket.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You pole danced in your parka.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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