You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
