I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
