Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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