I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Boobs are out for the taking
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize