so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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