So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
