She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
