Pappa wants mamma naked
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
