Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
