It's Friday. Sex?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
