I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My penis needs a shock collar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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