Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize