What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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