Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
