Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
