the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
