I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
