I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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