Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
