Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
