Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
