i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
