I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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