areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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