As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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