somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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