i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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