so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
