I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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