Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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