sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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