he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
