Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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