i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
