I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
