apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
