You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize