I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
