Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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