i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
