he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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