Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
