You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
