porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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