3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
