Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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