I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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