new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
