my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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