I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
