Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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