I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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