that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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