he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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