So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
