I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
