Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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