well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i will never coherently bang her
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
