My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
