You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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